. Black Tambourine I remember Halloween
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Buhrittaney

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[ Stuck in the middle with you]

One, two, he [26 Oct 2010|08:09pm]
 I just wanted to share with all of you how beautifully white my hair is, thanks to my best friend, Vanessa Roberto! Please excuse the Freddy costume, I was going to a Halloween partyy!




[ Stuck in the middle with you]

This is how I feel lately. [28 Jun 2010|07:00pm]
I'm sick and tired of being strung along. Telling me "maybe" we'll be boyfriend and girlfriend. You're trying to change me. Well, I need someone who can handle my love. Obviously, you can't. I'm not clingy, I'm just affectionate. Don't stifle me. I'm about to tell you to make up your mind now because I fucking can't take it anymore. I'm already losing everyone in my life, why not just add you to the list. Don't string me along like some lost puppy dog. I'm so in love with you its ridiculous. And the sad part is, I probably would stifle my emotions for you. I would change for you. The even sadder part is, you wouldnt change for me. You're so fucking stubborn its fucking ridiculous. Fuck you but I love you. I hate you, but don't leave me.

[ Stuck in the middle with you]

Today [29 Mar 2010|06:20pm]
Was the worst day of my life

[ Stuck in the middle with you]

Hello again MRH [25 Mar 2010|07:58pm]
Hi, I've posted here a few times in the past month, but this time I'm not asking for advice, I'm just looking for some pictures of girls with leopard print, partly shaved hair? Any would be appreciated, I have looked but can't find much. Thank you!

[ Stuck in the middle with you]

FUCK YOU. [19 Mar 2010|09:28pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

Life was so much fucking better when I was drinking and doing drugs all the time. Even if I was doing it all alone, it didn't matter, because I was having fun and I didnt have to fucking think about anything. I could just feel null and void. I didn't need friends, so that way when one fucking uses you and constantly lets you down and ditches you for another new friend it didnt even matter because I didn't give a fuck. Fuck everyone and fuck this sober fucking lifestyle.

[ Stuck in the middle with you]

Desolation [20 Feb 2010|03:11pm]
[ mood | jealous ]

Hiiii everyone who still uses Livejournal. You are all very hott.

[1 {x} Stuck in the middle with you]

Hiiii. [08 Dec 2009|02:50pm]
More of my friends should write in their livejournal. I miss this shit.

[ Stuck in the middle with you]

Dax Riggs is a genius. [23 Aug 2009|06:16pm]
I've been listening to a lot of Acid Bath lately. They kick ass. I'm going to see my idol, Philip Anselmo, playing with Down on the thirteenth. Awesome. I can't wait.
Life kinda sucks lately though. I feel so left out of everything. I guess when you lose all your material shit you find out who really has your back.
I just need a job. Or money. Either or. I qualify to be on social security, so Im following through with that. Livin off the government, man. God Bless America.

[2 {x} Stuck in the middle with you]

Welly Well Well [08 Feb 2009|10:01pm]
[ mood | confused ]

I hate using the phrase "lol" but sometimes when I can't think of something to say online, I just use it. Whatevaaa.
Life has been extremely annoying lately. All of this drama and bullshit just because I overdosed. I mean, its pretty serious but I'm over it already and naturally other people should get over it too. I go to these rehab classes almost everyday but I still can't go anywhere. I don't have my car or any money and I don't go back to work until my classes are done. I don't even know if I want to work there anymore.
I thought Wade and I were done with but there he goes calling me out of the blue, filling me up with all these feelings that I don;t want to feel because I really like Jimmy. My mom really likes him too. I mean, hes a good kid. And he cares about me. But I feel as though I'll never get over Wade. I don't even think we can be friends. Its fucking complicated. I don't even know why I'm writing in this thing because no one ever uses livejournal. Whatever.

[1 {x} Stuck in the middle with you]

[23 Dec 2008|10:03pm]
WHYYYYYYYYYYY???

[3 {x} Stuck in the middle with you]

Soooo [28 Oct 2008|10:45pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]

Wade and I are back together and we are moving into Vanessas house sometime mid november. I am so pumped for this. Its going to be so much fun being back with my old friends like Alex Jen Vanessa Melanie etc. The rent is so cheap and Wade and I get a huge ass room. My parents arent taking too kind to this. I just like to think of it as: "Whatever, I'm 18, almost 19, I can make good decisions. I know when a good decision is being made and when a bad one is." So there.
I still work at Mr. Mikes and I still have massive anxiety going there but I just suck it up and do it. I mean, I can't just rely on Wade. I have to be independent and think of it as money in my pocket.
Speaking of Wade, I'm really glad we're back together. Being with someone else just made me realize how perfect he is for me. And I know that Steven is such a sweetheart, but just being around his anxiety and panic was contagious and I couldn't help but always feel down.
My Babcia is getting worse and worse and she does not want any help from anyone. I accidently fell asleep in the chair watching her the other day, and she just got up all by herself,sat on the couch in the living room, without her oxygen in, and forgot where she was. I think she was confused as to who I was as well. A scary thing to think of. My family has a schedule of who is watching her when and for how long. I watch her from 5 in the morning till around 8. Then my aunt Liz comes and takes over. Sometimes my Uncle Jeff. I'm just really scared for her and hope she will make it to the holidays. Christmas will never be the same without her.
She is the heart and soul of our family. Even my mom is coming to visit her. I;m sure my uncle Jeff will be ecstatic about that.
But, all in all, I feel so much better and only hope everything just keeps getting better.

[2 {x} Stuck in the middle with you]

Hi. [23 Sep 2008|09:22pm]
I broke up with Wade about a week and a half ago and he still continues to make me feel like shit. Why do I let him bother me so much? He makes my anxiety worse.
Pat keeps calling me. I don't care. I don't want to go down to Quincy/Randolph/Whatever
I have absolutely no money right now because I'm a fucking idiot who loves to buy things. Atleast I'm back at work.
I'm with Steven now and I like him a lot. He understands my anxiety because he has it too and I'm glad I found someone who fucking understands. Now I just wish Wade would stop playing these stupid mind games with me.
Ughhh.

[3 {x} Stuck in the middle with you]

Crazy Months [09 Aug 2008|02:52pm]
[ mood | cold ]

So for the past few weeks I've been in and out of Burbank for anxiety and paranoia. I mean, I've had those symptoms before, but never this bad. Sometimes I wouldn't even leave the house. I was afraid to eat food because I was afraid people were tampering with it. But, I feel a lot better now. I still get anxious to go places..but overall I feel better. They have me on klonopin, which is a good time and it really helps me. I'm seeing a therapist again, which helps a lot, too. This is why I've been ignoring some people's calls...or not following through on plans. I feel terrible about it, but sometimes I was just so anxious, I couldn't even leave the house.

On a lighter note:
Wade and I are still together, even through a few mishaps on my part. I love him a lot and he's always there for me.

I hope everyone else is doing well. I miss the old leominster gang. I see Matty sometimes because he works at Hannafords in lunenburg.

So if anyone I used to hang out with is reading this...know that I miss you and you should comment me with the places you work at and I'll come visit you.

[3 {x} Stuck in the middle with you]

Curiouser and Curiouser! [23 Feb 2008|06:27pm]
If a chicken had lips, could it whistle?

[ Stuck in the middle with you]

I remember Halloween [28 Nov 2007|06:50pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

My life is probably awesome right now, but my state of mind does not allow me to see it. For the past few days I have been in the worst mood of my life. I have never been this negative before..and I'm pretty fucking negative. I'm trying to change that.

I couldn't even go to school today because I knew I'd flip out again on Mrs. Scherr. Gaaahhh I fucking hate her so much. I hope all the trees in her backyard fall down so she'll kill herself.

I don't ever want to do anything anymore. I ignore people's calls. I'm sorry Alex that I didn't hang out with you the other night. I was feeling way to down.

I cry over stupid things, I flip out over stupid things. Am I going through Menopause?

Everywhere I look all I see is stupidity. Everything's a fucking drag to me. I cannot stand anyone. And I mean anyone. I always think people are using me. And they might just be. I'm not giving out cigarettes to people at Narragansett anymore because I fucking hate everyone there. With the exception of a few people.

It still seems like I do nice things for people and I don't get anything back from them. Nobody has my back lately. And I'm sorry if I haven't had yours, just all this hostility is taking it's toll on me.

I just can't wait until I graduate and I can finally move on with my life. I need a job.

[3 {x} Stuck in the middle with you]

It could be an illusion but I might as well try [27 Aug 2007|01:41pm]
sdfklsdflsdkjfsdl fucking school starts tomorrow. I have to work every day this week except for Thursday. Everybody is quitting and Karen says im her best worker, so I gotta do it. The search for a car is not going to well. Nobody wants to help me. So, I guess I'm just going to have to do it myself. Me and my fucking 627 dollars.
On the ninth of September, me and Wade will have been going out for four months. It seems like so much longer..maybe because we're together almost every single day, and he sleeps over and shit. Its weird. Hes a very nice individual. When I first met him I was like, "Whatever, typical Slayer kid." But hes a lot more than that. I'm a faggot.
School is ridiculous, I can't believe this is our last year. Jesus Christ I can't wait. Especialyl with all these fags at Naraganssettt. Stupid wigger guidos and jocks. Fack you. I have the most overwhelming schedule..and I don't see how that could be, seeing as I only failed one class throughout high school. Whatever, fuck you, Staff Members. THis years gonna be hell.

[4 {x} Stuck in the middle with you]

Hello. [13 Aug 2007|10:53pm]
[ mood | cold ]

Everyone. My summer has been alright, basically working about 4 or 5 days a week, sometimes 3 at a convenient store in Athol. I meet the craziest people there. Most of them only have 3 teeth, but they're cool, I guess. They mostly come in to play the lottery and by cheap cigarettes. Theres a lot of brands of cigarettes I didn't even know about. Its crazy. But anyways, other than working, my summers been alright. I'm saving up for a car, so maybe it will be easier to lie to my mother about seeing all you guys in Leominster. Because, believe it or not, I really want to see you. But since I only hang out with a few people, its hard to make up stories like we used to do.
I'm still the same person, I don't know if you guys believe me or not. I still like to have a good time...no, my parents haven't brainwashed me. I miss all the midnight adventures me and Alex would have. I miss Melanie smoking cigarettes loudly in the back of my car...I miss wishing that Amanda would join us at school and I miss seeing her face. I miss drinking orange soda and looking at French-fry cats with Flen. I even miss Vanessa, that cunt. I miss being "those fucking crazy girls". I miss talking with the "fl" in front of everything, even though words occasionally come out that way.
But anyways, I'm off that r-tarded bipolar medicine and they're weening me off prozac, because that shit makes me paranoid. Even worse than before. Sometimes I can't even leave the house. I don't know how I do it at work, its probably because I know I need the money. But it's just insane. My doctor is just some sell-out legal drug dealing crazy kook.
Anyways, if any of you are looking for some oxycontin, percs, I know where you might be able to get some..i've done some quite a few times this summer, and if you haven't, you're missing out. Its some crazy fun. Just bes carefuls. Alright, peace out boy scouts.

[3 {x} Stuck in the middle with you]

Popov [24 May 2007|06:31pm]
[ mood | calm ]

Once again I have resorted to THE cheapest vodka in the world: Popov. Gross. Me and Wade shared a whole bottle on Monday. It was disgusting, but it was fun at the same time. I pulled a hey mister for cigarettes and the guy bought us a bottle as well.
Everything in life has been alright. I smoked for the first time in foreverrrr on Monday and Tuesday, and I give this kid my lunch money everyday for his adderall. The band is going pretty swell. It's good times. Some lovely people from leominster should come up one friday and check us out. It's usually a party. So yeah, come and stuff.
Today we had a pilot MCAS so I left school with Mel and some others and ended up getting caught. It was ridiculous. They called my mom and everything but she doesn't care. Mr. Rickan asked me if I was playing games with him and I told him to break out the Candy Land. So now I have In School Suspension 'till Monday. It's all good though.
So blah, basically I'm looking forward to seeing Tool in July and the motherfuckin' summmmerrrr. I think I'll be in Leominster next weekend, so hopefully I can find a way to hang out with you guys without the parentals knowing.

[ Stuck in the middle with you]

Ya Know what.. [02 May 2007|08:49am]
I was going to write about how the movie Pinocchio was really creepy and weird, but I decided not to. So now I'm not going to write anything. Except for this.

[4 {x} Stuck in the middle with you]

Subject [25 Apr 2007|09:34pm]
Arrgh. I feel like everyone in my life is ten times more successful than I am. I don't have a job, I don't have a car, I don't have money, I'm falling so behind at school, and I just feel disgusting. No one will hire me because McDonald's is giving me bad references, I bet. And yes, there is a way that they can give you a bad reference..The manager that is calling your previous employer can ask them if they would hire you again. And they can say no. Stupid loopholes. I feel so lazy and everything. My brother put his car (the car that USED TO BE MINEEE) back on the road. I hate him. Just kidding. But I'm jealous. I guess I don't need a car. But it would be nice. I swapped rooms with my dad today. I have so much random little knick knacks, and I found so much old useless shit, and old notes, and old school papers and notebooks. It was kinda funny looking at all of it. Most of the notes and stuff had to do with "Lets get druuuunk." "I need a cigarette!!" "I fucking hate LHS Mr. Edward OrdwayHands is a douche cock sucking ass spelunker." Well, not those exact words, but you get the gist of it. Anyways, it was pretty super neat and I like my new room because it has hard wood floors and all that cool shit. Ya know ya know. My fingers bleeding. I gotta go. Peace out niggerscouts.

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